Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
