Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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