Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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