im six kinds of drunk right now
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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