Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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