i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Come see our sink grown plant.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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