I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
