I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
