you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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