I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
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She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
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yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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