my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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