scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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