actually, I'm a sock model
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
