I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
