when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
