about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
