Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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