Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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