When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
