I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
