i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
