I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
