yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
