Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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