The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
