I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Text me some of your sweat
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
