My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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