well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
