Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
