I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
