She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
