i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
