dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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