i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
