Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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