So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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