I'm laying in your front yard are you home
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize