He had one of those small greek statue penises
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
