How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
