Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
