your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
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