i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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