he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
