im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
