I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
