Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
