I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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