There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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