I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
