omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i think i have herpe
just one?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
