I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
