i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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