I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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