it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
pray to the hookup gods
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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