You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
