You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
