Non-Jews are for practice
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
