Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I'm passing your future prison.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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