for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
