one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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