If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
and she was petting her beer can
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
