help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
