have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
