I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
