saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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