I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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