I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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