NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
