honey bunches of taint.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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