Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
