I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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