Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
