I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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