Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
