Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
