Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
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Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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