I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
