i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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