Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Pooping to opera.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
