just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
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You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
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Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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