I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
