I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
