What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
